how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
