We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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