Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
