I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
