There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
