We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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