i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
