Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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