That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
