the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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