I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
