I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
