You really coming over, don't trick.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
