You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
