Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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