she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
