why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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