Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
