it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
