eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
