Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
from now on my penis is your penis
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
