I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
