I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
