i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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