I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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