I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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