Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
