Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
