he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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