we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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