Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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