True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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