obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
