In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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