So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
