you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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