One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
