fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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