I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
