It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
