I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
