Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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