you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
