I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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