it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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