I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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