walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
