We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
