tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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