I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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