we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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