I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
